A book about his arrest in Tomorrowland and everything that preceded him: Imanuelle Grives hopes to help others. The actress recounted in a conversation with NU.nl that at that time she could only think that she had nothing to lose, and therefore did what she did. He hoped that others would overtake that moment, partly because of the story.
“I totally convinced myself: death or gladiolus. In my head I’ve failed, so what should I lose? I’m looking for a kick, I’m looking for a way to trick my father. I want to do something stupid. I like a child: I didn’t do it right? Then I will show you how wrong I can do it! “
The actress was arrested in July 2019 at the Belgian music festival Tomorrowland with drugs in her possession. The prohibited substances were also found in the house where he and two of his friends lived. Grives was sentenced to one year in prison, but due to Belgian regulations and because he had been detained for two months, he did not have to return to prison.
Grives tells of the period before his arrest, where he battled depression, and his time in prison Imanuelle: The heart of my warrior.
“It was a really intense time, but mainly because of what was going on inside of me. I was completely stripped of everything I had, everything I had. My clothes, my hair, but especially my thoughts. When I was in prison, prison open in my head. “
‘I blame everything and everyone’
The actress wrote about her father, who set high standards for her children. Grives felt a strong need to oppose him. “How can you seduce a very Christian father? Through drugs and rebellion. It’s actually quite a cliché: a daughter seeks confession from her father. But it turns out.”
However, in prison, Grives discovers that the problem is with him. “The feeling that I failed, that I was not cute, not smart, or beautiful enough got stronger and stronger. At that time I blamed everything and everyone for my pain. But in prison I saw it: no one else had To blame for my pain. this. Only me. “
“It’s quite tragic actually. That you need the calm of prison to reach such a conclusion. But it helped me. There I realized: I have to work with myself. I am a ball of unspeakable grief and sadness. Frustration. I could have been given it. a second chance because it could be much more wrong. If I wasn’t caught there then it might have been an overdose, but somewhere I’ll be stuck after years of running away from myself. “
The actress calls it a hard reset. “Suddenly everything is gone. I am no longer the ‘actress’, but just Imanuelle. My trainer said to me: ask yourself why you do something. Why do I think acting is so important? Because then I can become whatever I am. want. But why else can’t I? Because I’m afraid my emotions won’t be accepted, because I’m not good enough. It’s a long and intensive process, but I’m proud I did it. “
“I also thought: Everything I was afraid of getting out, I should write about my depression, about my feelings of failure. About my father’s problems, about my childhood. I am no longer afraid. It feels like the freedom to have it on paper. “
“This book is for anyone who is secretly suffering from depression. For all the celebrities – and believe me, there are many – who struggle with fear. For all the women who feel they should always radiate positivity. Life isn’t always’Live, love, laugh‘. Get your head out of the sand. “
Positive to the future
Grives is now looking forward to the future. “Of course there will be people who say: he doesn’t deserve a second chance at all. Or people who think I’m pathetic or are asking for attention. It’s okay, now I can live with that. As humans, we often come back to what we were doing. happened. happened, or was said in the past. Now I choose to leave it. “
“I want to focus on real positivity. Such a sincere reaction I have had and which I’m so grateful for. No more, just keep going because I have to do it, no longer expecting me to do it perfectly.”
“I’m not doing it perfectly and I’m no longer afraid of not being good enough. I’m learning from my mistakes. I want to pass it on to others, so I’m working on a platform for women. The ballast, all those negative thoughts, have come as far as I am now. Can you imagine what I can do now that the weight is gone. “