Marie Kondo is a well-organized contradiction.
When he did not gently tip around the homes of strangers, make their underwear and told them to throw away all their books, he took out his own books which in turn disrupted the space of his devastated devotees.
You are an evil genius, Kondo.
It seems like everyone is a fan of 34-year-old Japanese tidying teacher. This year began with the world transfixed by its Netflix show Tidy up, where he glides around America and meets very messy couples who are panting with the reason why their homes are filled with so much nonsense.
He listens patiently – squats carefully – and shows unmatched tolerance to the noisy homeowners' children.
She was like Mary Poppins who was slimmer, but without all the coats and umbrellas and carpet bags because it was just chaos.
Then he whispered to his translator, took out a lot of garbage and folded the rest artistically. Suddenly the house was clean and everyone cried happily.
Fans everywhere try to carry out the teachings of Kondo in their own homes. They can't get enough of it. Except when it comes to books.
Kondo's theory of books has caused a stir, with teachers encouraging clients to throw away a group of dust collectors. Bookworms everywhere get angry and act as if Kondo has just calmly worked on a stack of first editions and burned them.
Worldwide, more than four million copies are sold from their own ledger Life Changing Magic Tidying up. Some local bookstores are currently sold out.
The Kondo Bible about how to eliminate the chaos of your own life is falling apart on coffee tables and bookshelves all over the world.
In countless homes, maybe pushed between copies Secret and The Catcher In The Rye – all three books share one thing in common that they are never read to completion by the homeowner and now only what is always destined to be: chaos.
Kondo-mania is clearly a company pyramid scheme. The more books about the organization he released, the more chaos his followers brought to their homes. Then, following KonMari's law, they cleaned up and threw everything away – including their savior's book.
Ah, calmness. But this is fleeting.
Suddenly Kmart released more rubbish in rose gold and Aldi began selling ugly chairs and suddenly the houses of worshipers fell apart. Do what? They need to buy back the Kondo Bible. That is a dangerous cycle.
Trying to make your house look like a hotel room is an impossible task so stop trying. It's like hoping to reach a "zero inbox" that is difficult to understand. Once you reach it, the rough edge avalanches around you and you have to start again.
No one had time to originate their clothes and put them together in a Danish buffet drawer.
Clothes live in three areas: drying racks, washing baskets, or random chairs in the corner of your room. The last location is for new clothes that you only wear once but they only wash their hands and no one has time to wash their hands so that on the random chairs they will remain – it will never be used again.
I know that many people have tried and failed in KonMari's way of life. Some stopped in the middle of the road. Others climbed onto the bagging stage and now have piled up either at their front door or in the trunk of their car. Like hand washing only clothes in a random bedroom chair, these other garbage bags will not reach other goals.
The lack of success that friends and colleagues have is not surprising. They – like their home – are all a total mess and they will never change.
And neither do you. So stop making your shirt right away.
ANNOUNCEMENT OF COMPREHENSIVE LIST
Only three weeks into the new year and there are many things that upset you.
Like a colleague who keeps asking enthusiastically to everyone, "So, how's your Chrissie?"
Or Bird Box meme that I thought I understood but couldn't say for sure I did because I couldn't bother watching a movie.
And then there is a strange distance between hosts on the new display Today show panel. This one is really stuck in people's searches.
"The gap between everyone is uneven and the work table is too small," one of the viewers panted on the show's Facebook page, minutes before Monday's debut. Too right
Strange gaps won't occur on Sunrise. Kochie, Sam and Nat would be suitable if they aired at a different distance. That will be embarrassing.
Some of you may turn your eyes on nitpicking and, I agree, it's a trivial thing to disturb. But nit picking is fun and the more trivial the more annoyed the better. So choose nit or turn the page.
Strangely on the side, we were also annoyed at Gillette's razor. Wait. Are we upset with them? This company made headlines this week thanks to new tense ads. Maybe we are annoyed at people who are not like the ad. I do not know. Many online opinion pieces are written about it by people who always have a lot of opinions about these kinds of things and I don't read them.
We are also nervous about # 10YearChallenge, everyone spam us on Instagram. Nobody cares that you used to have a frozen eyebrow tip and ring.
The purpose of this challenge is not very clear, but more people must follow in the footsteps of everyone's favorite Real housewife Lisa Rinna.
"I didn't do the 10-year challenge. I look great in 2009 and I look better now, "he wrote.
TRIPS MEGA-CASH-A-ROO TODAY
One by one at Today to show. First, their revamped debut panel was destroyed by strange distances, and then there was an alleged error with the Mega-Cash-a-Roo Giveaway.
Who can predict mistakes will occur in a competition called the Mega-Cash-a-Roo Giveaway? This will never happen if Karl is there.
A Today viewers have talked about his distress after he claimed technical difficulties saw him lose $ 40,000 in cash.
Jenny Baker, based in Mackay, said he answered his phone on three rings and shouted, "I woke up with Today!" On the phone, according to the rules of the game. It should have won $ 40,000.
But he was greeted quietly. And in the air, the host and viewer didn't hear anything, which meant Nine couldn't give him a penny. Ts & Cs.
Of course there needs to be some changes to the Mega-Cash-a-Roo Giveaway. Mobile phones are not reliable. Instead, dunk Georgie in a glue barrel and then make Deb Knight blow up a cash canon at him. Whatever is saved with money is what the home viewers have.
This is the only solution.
Twitter and Facebook: @hellojamesweir